Q: "I am a 36 year old intellectual man and I am married for 15 years. I have had a lot of mistresses all my life and I don‘t regret anything of what I’ve lived with them. Almost all of them shared with me their tastes and wishes. I have always been of opinion that the pubic hair is unseemly and I asked my mistresses to remove it completely. I like women who depilate their sex. Men shave their beard for aesthetic reasons; the same do the women who depilate their legs and armpit. Then why most women are suspicious when thinking about removing the hair from their sex? Some of them consider that it is unnatural to take care of their pubic region, although this is the main centre of interest of a woman‘s body. Why not pay the proper attention to it? This preference for the complete shaving of the sex is not new: the Greeks, who had a real cult about different ways of making love, shaved completely. For this, they used the pumice stone, with which they did circular movements on the skin. It must have been really painful, but their assiduousness is a proof that it is worth. The Arabs, the Hindus and some African peoples are advocates of depilating the sex. Some women are afraid that their depilated sex will give them a little-girl aspect and that they will not be able to excite men like before, but most men compare this mouth of love to a flower and I am one of them. I myself have been shaving my pubic hair for more than ten years and I haven’t met a woman to consider that this is unpleasant; on the contrary, most of them were well surprised.

A: Your opinion is right. If both lovers shave their pubic hair they feel better the contact of their genitals and thus the erotic pleasure is more intense. Moreover, certain Tantric rituals require to a woman to completelyshave her pubic hair. This act becomes a magical one and helps the man in worshiping the woman’s vulva as a Source of Existence.

Q: "I‘m living a paradox: I have a gorgeous mistress with whom I feel erotic sensations that I cannot experience with my wife, although I love her very much. Does this mean that my wife doesn’t awake my erotic desire anymore?

A: The psychological point of view: You are being confronted with the mother-wife-mistress complex. Usually, for a man, his wife, as the mother of his children, isn’t seen as the one who can receive and give an intense erotic pleasure or as the one with whom he can taste those famous forbidden fruits, which are so inciting and attractive.

The mistress represents the unconventional love. She gives herself to her lover, without any restriction, shame or bashfulness. At the same time, the wife’s image, the mother of his children, is associated with the image of his own mother during his childhood; this can arouse in his soul feelings of respect and devotion.

Being a “serious” woman, she is hardly imagined by her husband in a less conventional situation. Even if before marriage a woman was extremely sensual, she may often become frigid after it, especially after more births. Consequently, the man starts to look somewhere else for something he cannot find home anymore.

A delicate and sincere dialogue with your wife would make you understand that the erotic pleasure and the couple’s happiness are compatible with the role of wife and mother.

The esoteric point of view: It is well known from the tantric point of view that the erotic attraction between a man and a woman decreases in time if the lovers lives together. That is why tantric masters recommend to the lovers to live separately and to make love 2 up 4 times a week. This method prevents sexual boring.

There are several basic methods to keep the sexual attraction alive:
1. Sexual continence (lovemaking without ejaculatory orgasm in men’s case and without explosive orgasm in women’s case) for both lovers.
See our articles about sexual continence here.

2. Don’t sleep in the same bed. You should share the same bed only for lovemaking.

3. Make erotic surprises to your lover such as erotic massage, the stimulation of her G-spot with your fingers, the explorations of her erogenous zones by using hands, lips and tongue (this includes oral sex or cunnilingus which gives much pleasure to the woman).

4. Discover her erotic fantasies and try to fulfil them.

Q: I have three girlfriends. I have a problem making love, because all of them are actively interested in making love and I sometimes find my body very weak, without a firm erection for each girl. Viagra is not available in my part of country, only local medicines with some ginseng. Please advice me on herbs to look for.

A: A man can afford to make love with more than one woman only if he practices sexual continence. That means to make love without ejaculation. Otherwise, he will lose his virility in a short time because he systematically wastes his sexual potential, which is limited. Read our articles about sexual continence, about ginseng and yohimbe.

If you learn sexual continence you will be able to make love not only with 3 women, but with tens and even hundreds of women. I know a tantric master who makes love with 5 to 8 women per night without being exhausted, because he never loses his semen.

Q: I am a man in my 30’s, with a good sex drive. Due to my shyness I am not able to find a girl. Can you help me?

A: You have to work to overcome your shyness. The first step is to make a commitment to actively do those things which you fear. Usually, the cause of fear is the unknown – a situation you are unsure of, in which you do not know how to react.

For example, you like a girl but you do not dare invite her to the cinema. Therefore, you have to actually do the opposite thing: go to her and ask her out. Do not be afraid of being refused. Play this game despite the potential negative feedback and you will see that some day the shy man has become a brave man.

You may also use the power of positive thinking. Repeat to yourself as much as possible that you are a charming and brave man. Begin each day by looking in the mirror and repeating this positive statement several times. Do the same before sleeping at night.

Q: When I have used the three-finger technique to avoid ejaculation, I continue to the point of orgasm...am I supposed to do that or should I stop? Furthermore, after having an orgasm and retaining my seminal fluid, I find I lose my erection...am I doing something wrong?

A: It is normal that after squeezing you lose the erection. Nevertheless, you could continue intercourse using flabby penetrations. You will see that after a while you will regain your full erection. I suggest you read the article Flaccid penetration.

The three fingers technique is the first step in learning and mastering sexual continence. If you practice lovemaking with sexual continence for some time (at least 6-7 months) and in the meanwhile you do not lose the semen in wet dreams, you will see that you will be able to make love for up to 3 hours continuously without necessarily having to use the squeezing method.

This happens because of the process of sublimating the sexual energy becomes increasingly natural for you. However, for achieving this stage of sexual continence you have to take two major aspects into consideration:

1. Be very calm and very conscious during lovemaking, maintain yourself in a state of effervescence.

2. Purify your energetic channels in the upper part of the body in order to allow the sexual energy to rise towards the crown. You can do this by daily performing some special asanas and meditations. I suggest you see our section “Tantric Yoga” in order to decide upon your daily program of asanas. I recommend you especially the following asanas and bandhas:

Uddiyana Bandha
Nauli Kriya

Q: I have some doubts about the female anatomy and I intend to have sex with my girlfriend in a few days. How many holes do women have and where should I insert my penis? Please do not be offended by my question. Moreover, what do you mean by sexual continence? You keep on referring that by practicing continence we can control ejaculation.

A: Women have three orifices: anus, vaginal opening and urethral opening. The woman releases the feces through anus, the urine through urethral opening and the menses through vaginal opening. When a man makes love with a woman, he inserts his penis inside the vagina. Here it is a picture showing the female genitalia:
Tantra Magazine

In addition, do not be afraid that you will confuse the orifices. You will not have this chance :)) because the urethral opening is very small and the anus is far enough from you actual target.

Sexual continence means to make love without ejaculating. For more information read the articles about sexual continence from our site.

Q: My wife is a big woman. Because of this we can use only some of the positions you show. Are there sexual positions for big women and smaller men?

A: According to the Kama Sutra, when the female exceeds the male in point of size, her union with a man immediately next to her in size is called a low union, and is of two kinds; while her union with a man most remote from her in size is called the lowest union, it is of one kind only.

The ‘clasping position’ is used in ‘low congress’, and in the ‘lowest congress’, together with the ‘pressing position’, the ‘twining position’, and the ‘mare’s position’.

The sexual positions mentioned above are presented in the article:
Kama Sutra: The different ways of lying down, and various kinds of congress. Part 1.

Also read the article:
Kama Sutra: Kinds of sexual unions according to dimensions, force of desire and time

Look over all the positions presented on our site and choose those sexual positions that fit you and your wife.

Q: I have a very short penis, only five-inches fully erect! What position is best for me? Another question I wanted to ask you: I am clean-down there! But every time I shave, I get rashes! Why do I get rashes while a woman does not? Please help!

A: The ‘clasping position’, the ‘pressing position’, the ‘twining position’, the ‘mare’s position’ and all their variants are suited for a short penis. However, you could enlarge your penis using natural methods. You could read our articles about penis enlargement that are presented in “men” section.

About the rashes – I suggest you use some soft cream or gel after shaving and after every shower. Another method to eliminate rashes is to soak some chamomile and wild thyme into 1/2l of cold water and after 24 hours separate the herbs from the liquid. Use this liquid after shaving.

Q: As a new student to Tantra and as a middle age man, I need to know ways to maintain my erection for longer periods of time in order to please my lover.

A: In the beginning of sexual continence it is a little bit hard to maintain the erection for 2 or even 3 hours, because the man is focused on the control of his intensity of pleasure in order to avoid ejaculation. But the Tantric masters recommend alternating the flabby penetrations (see the article Flaccid penetration) with hard ones.

When you will “cultivate” your sexual energy and you will be able to experience multiple orgasms then you be able to maintain the erection for a long time.

Also read the articles in our Sexual Continence section.

Q: I really enjoyed the clitoris article, which makes me think that I am not normal. I am a male, and when I suck on a woman’s clitoris, and get the rough part of my tongue on it, and go round and round, faster and faster, I will have an orgasm, even if there is nothing touching my penis or not. When I feel her body get a little tense and hear her moans, and she starts to quiver just a little, I also have a great orgasm. Am I normal?

A: Not only are you normal but you also have good empathic qualities, an important aspect in Tantric love. In Tantric lovemaking the lovers have to achieve the state in which each of them feels the other’s orgasm through empathy. You should develop this quality by being aware of your lover’s responses when you turn her on in every way.

Q: My problem is that my girlfriend needs a lot of time to reach orgasm. When we make love, I always blow my first load and then I feel weak and I cannot continue making love. I feel good, but my girlfriend does not because of her difficulty in reaching orgasms in a short time...I love her and I want her to be happy by reaching her orgasms. We make love for a short time in her house because we do not want to be caught by anybody... How can I make her orgasms come in a short period of time like 5-10 minutes? Are there any good positions?

A: You should read all the articles regarding sexual continence presented in our “Men” section. Thus, you will learn to control your sexual energy and to avoid ejaculation.

Women reach orgasm after at least 30 minutes of lovemaking. Only very sensual women can reach an orgasm in 5-10 min. So, you should learn to last more than 30 minutes if you want to satisfy your lover.

Take a look over the sexual positions presented in “Kama Sutra” section in our site to know what kind of sexual positions you have to avoid so you ca control the sexual energy.

Q: I just started having sex with my girlfriend. I Think I found her G-spot, but when I finger her she seems to get excited but holds back usually because we are in my house or her house and our parents are downstairs. So what I was wondering is what are the symptoms of an orgasm non-verbal wise? Like what kind of movements or facial expressions will she make?

A: You should read the article Pay attention a woman’s orgasm.

Q: I am 29 yrs old and my wife is 26. We have a 2 year old child. We got married 4 years ago. I am not satisfied with my wife’s sex. She does not get exited and I get excited very quickly. Because of this, other women attract me, but I never go out for sex. She told me that it is because a white fluid thing is always coming out of her vagina. Please tell me what to do.

A: First, you should try to do everything to turn on your wife before you decide that another woman suits you better from a sexual point of view. A Tantric trick for keeping the sexual attraction between lovers alive for many years is to sleep separately (in separate beds or in different rooms).

A woman reaches orgasm after at least 30 minutes of lovemaking. So, you have to learn to last more than 30 minutes. You can read about sexual continence on our site (in the “Men” section) and you can also read about how to arouse a woman in the “Couples” and “Men” sections.

I also recommend that your wife take some good herbal aphrodisiacs such as sweet basil, ginseng, yohimbe, and nutmeg. So, do your best.

Q: When it comes to penis enlargement, is there any way in which we can do this without having special equipment?

A: There are several methods to enlarge penis size that do not require any equipment. We have already presented some of them in the articles:

Q: I want to try anal sex but I don’t want to end up hurting my girlfriend, so which are the best positions for it?

A: First of all you have to ask your her if she feels any attraction to this kind of lovemaking. If both of you want to try anal sex then you have to know some important things:

  • You have to relax and excite her so that her vaginal and anal muscles become very relaxed and dilated. Therefore, it is better to try it anally after you make love normally.
  • Use some soft cream or vegetable oils and gently massage, with your forefinger and middle finger her anal opening. You could even insert your lubricated forefinger into her anus in order to gradually stimulate her desire for this kind of lovemaking.
  • The rear entry position and even the missionary one are very suitable for this type of penetration.
  • After anal intercourse it is not recommended to continue with vaginal thrusts because the colon is full with micro-organisms and you could end up with an infection such as candida. So, if you want to make love normally after anal thrusts I advise you to carefully wash your penis.
  • Also, you have to penetrate your lover very gently so that do not end up causing her to feel pain. Stop penetrating if she says it hurts her and start again when she feels it is OK.

Q: Are there any ways to make masturbation more pleasurable without the use of special tools? Is masturbation dangerous if done everyday?

A: The sexual energy of a human being is limited. Women lose this energy during their life through menstruation and explosive orgasms (orgasms that discharge the sexual energy). Men lose sexual energy through ejaculation. The age when a man finishes this energy depends on much he conserved it during his lifetime. When you finish it you can’t get it back. That is why Tantric and Taoist masters revealed the power of lovemaking without ejaculatory orgasm for men and without explosive orgasm for women. These rules must be respected if one wishes to prolong their sexual life, their youth and also to bring health and harmony back to their body. The only way to conserve sexual energy is through sexual continence. Read some of our articles on this subject: Sexual Continence.

I would only recommend the tantric way of masturbating. Self-pleasuring is performed in Tantra without the loss of semen. It is used in order to become more and more conscious about the different degrees of pleasure you can handle and also to learn how to use this energy in order to reach ecstasy.

Q: I have been with my girlfriend for ten and a half months now. I want to take our sexual relationship to the next level. Unfortunately, she always seems to have to initiate our lovemaking, and recently it seems that I have not been able to stay active as long as when we first started to have sex. At first, I could go repeatedly for long periods of time before I ejaculated, and recently that has not been the case. Also, we used to make love all the time, and everywhere, even on the floor as soon as we entered the apartment, or on the sink in the bathroom, or in the shower (many times). And now, it seems like she may be losing interest. Is this because I am not aggressive, and she has to initiate the activity? Please help me, I love her, and I still look at her with a lot of desire but I’m not really the aggressive type. What should I do?

A: It is well known from a tantric point of view that erotic attraction between a man and a woman decreases in time if the couple lives together. That is why tantric masters recommend that lovers live separately and make love 2 to 4 times a week. This method prevents boredom from setting in.

Anyway, there are several basic methods to keep the sexual attraction alive:
1. Sexual continence (lovemaking without ejaculatory orgasm) for both lovers.
Read some of our articles on this subject: Sexual Continence.

2. Live separately (in different rooms or even better in different houses) and meet regularly in order to make love.

3. Erotically surprise your lover with such things as:

4. Finding out her erotic fantasies and trying to fulfill them. See our articles:
Adventurous foreplay
The games lovers play

I don’t advise you to be aggressive but it is necessary to become more active and to initiate lovemaking. A man is not a man if he is lazy.

For the beginning you could pretend that you want to give her an erotic massage and you will see that you will end up making love. Good luck!

Q: I want to know how can I improve my penis size.

Q: Hello! What are regular penis sizes? I’m 17 years old and I think I have a small penis.

A: The average size of an erect penis, according to Kama Sutra, is between 5 and 6 inches. I recommend you read the article What you must know about your penis if you want to know more about such things.

If you have a small penis you can enlarge it with different techniques that were also presented on our site.

Q: What kind of advice can you offer someone that is a senior and has erection problems so that he can perform better? Where can I go to get things to help me with my problem?

A: Taking into consideration the anatomy of the penis and the physiology of erection I propose the following practical methods for toning up your penis:

  • Bathe your penis alternatively in warm water and in cold water (if you use ice it is better) as much as possible. Do this exercise daily in the morning at least 6 months.
  • Massage your penis until you get an erection. Then put a circular elastic at the base of the penis and keep it there till you lose the erection. The squeezing of its base diminishes the outflow of blood. Repeat this procedure several times in the morning. Thus, your penis will become tougher. This procedure will not harm you.
  • Perform a strong massage with your hands starting from the base of the penis in order to provide a good flow of blood through it daily.
  • Use a “vacuum developer” in order to provide a good irrigation of the penis with blood. Read the article Special techniques for PENIS ENLARGEMENT – Part 1 for more information.
  • Practice the erection exercises presented in the article Your penis will be…TOUGHER!
  • Practice the Taoist method for increasing virility that was presented in the article How to improve your virility

For more help to improve your tantric practice, see our FAQ – Advice for Women page.