In lovemaking, there is always a first time. Once the sexual freedom has increased in the Occident, people have begun to consider the first sexual experience as something usual.
Nonetheless, this has a very powerful impact on the psychic. A significant percent of the people confronted with a first unsuccessful erotic experience overcome with difficulty the fear, inhibitions and guilt.
Most often, such an unfortunate experience leaves deep traces on a psychic and mental level. The loss of virginity is often a traumatic and disappointing event for a girl.
Usually in the East, marriage occurs shortly after puberty, allowing both girl and boy to explore their sexuality from the beginning, in a stable relationship.
In certain Hindu groups, young girls used to lose their virginity in a ritual atmosphere. The ceremony they took part in was dedicated to the god Shiva , and implied a phallic object for this purpose. The young girls would sit on top of this phallic object, and this ceremony was performed in public.
In some African tribes, an older woman was responsible for the defloration of the virgins. No matter how awkward this habit might seem to a Westerner, it carries deep spiritual significance.
From certain points of view, this is preferable to the “modern” practices, when the girls lose their virginity and remain marked for a long time, or remain virgin and frustrated.
“The Perfumed Garden”, an Arabic book dating from the XVI-th century, states: “a man who wishes to get married should choose a virgin woman who would love him until death will part them and who will not forget her first lover”.
This statement contains a deep psychological truth, as it is highly important that the first erotic experience be as happy and as significant as possible from the spiritual point of view.
A man who finds himself in the hypostasis of being the lover of a beautiful and full of vitality virgin has to be fully aware of the responsibility and the honor bestowed upon him. He also has to cast away his lover’s fear and inhibition with gentleness and sensuality.
His attitude will encourage her to open up to the erotic side of life and enjoy fully the first experience in the ecstasy of love. In this difficult perspective, the practice of sexual continence may immensely help the man.
This is a unique experience for the young woman as well. The man has to be aware of this, and therefore he has to treat her like a goddess.
The woman should now see the man as the incarnation of Lord Shiva. He has to teach her about eroticism with great patience and love, transfiguring her into the great goddess.
For a young man, “the first time” is less associated with a feeling of loss. For a young man, the initiation in the secrets of eroticism is usually successful if performed with an older, more experienced woman, who is also a practitioner of sexual continence.