In fact, objectively speaking, most of the times, we dont see almost at all our beloved one as she/he is; we only see the image of the human being that we, iddealy speaking, would like to meet or by whom we would like to be loved.
This type of preponderant passionate love will throw us in an illusion, which will inevitably lead us, sooner or later, to DISSAPOINTMENT.
Such a imaginary start for a long way to go together which is life lived in two is not and has not even been auspicious!
On the contrary, such a start is a hilarious and dangerous circle in which your ego may even get stronger, especially when you know that you are loved by an exceptional, special human being (that is why many wise have called this inferior type of love a form of egoism in two).
We ourselves swell with importance and become, on our opinion, an extraordinary hero, especially because we have put this great persons heart on fire!
In this situation our illusion is complete because we only have our own ego as basis of transfiguring , and our awakening to reality may be painful. Then the divine aspect that we could intuit or reveal in ourselves through the other one disappears and is replaced by some egoistic aspects.
Mass media of our present times often presents love as the synonym of happiness. They forget that love is founded on a perfect communion realized on the vital, mental, spiritual, and soul levels and, in the case of the advanced yogis , through respect and constant transfiguring of the other one, and also by accepting her/his company.
They all have in the background the endless love generated by the perfect sexual continence (practiced in the couple) and the harmonious sublimation of the huge resultant energies.
The perfectly continent couple, that practices Yoga , discovers, thanks to the infinite love, what a wonderful school of life love is. Thus, the couple finds out the sublime, authentic values that will open it the way to the Divine Unconditioned Love, that we all have within us in a potential state.
After our state of illusion is completely removed, we only have to accept and to discriminatingly face our own image in the mirror, an image that NOW our beloved one reflects to us.
Before blaming our lover for not being as we have thought, we must develop our tolerance, love, objective power of transfiguring and a deep respect for her/him. All that we sometimes hate at our lover is nothing but a reflection of our own faults.
Living together day by day, our lover will (sometimes unconsciously, but very clearly) show us exactly like a mirror all our previous or present fears. Thus, we will finally realize that WE WONT GET RID OF WHAT WE ARE MOSTLY AFRAID OF.
OUR PARENTS AMOROUS PATTERNS THAT CONDITION US
After this phantasmagoric and superficial idealization (that is generally prevailing) is removed, the couple of yogis who are both sexually continent, should accomplish one more aspect before grounding a veritable, deep, happy and long-lasting couple relationship.
What is about? We all had a childhood that became sometimes very deeply impregnated in our being by the means of the familial environment. The archetypal couple of our parents lived in front of the baby, then of the child and then of the teenager.
This couple has been for a while time our only reference, our only standard. This is why it will remain for us the Primary Couple, or, in other words, it will be the Couple of Adam and Eve, and it is the Couple, which lives in our subconscious.
Our parents life had strongly influenced us in a good or bad way. In the case of a negative influence, if we dont lucidly and detachedly realize their negative impact on our past or present erotic life, we cannot get rid of those bad conditionings.
This will let us be really free, love intensely, fully and harmoniously. The receptive child that we once were has drawn by himself without even knowing it his FUNDAMENTAL conclusions about love; by curiously watching his parents, by being in different significant situations concerning their couple life or by listening how they talk about love.
Even a lovely, abandoned, without one or both parents child will eventually create his own philosophy that will be for him, more or less completely, the love story of his parents.