Tantra Magazine

There are three different kinds of conversations, each of them connected with a stage of erotic play: prelude, intercourse and postlude.

Each of them has a different aim and also a different style. We might become more attractive by learning when, how and what to talk about when we are making love. This kind of knowledge brings us more happiness and intimacy, because the things we say at certain moments can create an important emotional impact. For some of us the words whispered during love games are almost as important as the orgasm itself. Few may be conscious of this; however a sensual man will know it.

Through talking we can free ourselves from internal tensions that control and inhibit us. Women happily and warmly receive tender and admiring remarks, words that are meant to encourage and also to create a more intimate atmosphere between the two.

Let’s us now examine the three stages of conversation, in their natural order:

This stage is the least attractive for a man. If he is excited he doesn’t feel the need to talk, he simply wants to act. Most women are not hurried, as they are concerned and perhaps tense. Generally they do not appreciate a direct approach like “Let’s make love”, neither do they like to make love immediately.

Women want to gradually increase intimacy, in a natural and tender way in which words play a decisive role. A Man’s words, associated with his kisses and caresses are the ones which show his sincere affection for his lover. Without “I love you”, “You are very beautiful”, “You are warm, tender, sensual”, the woman might doubt the sincerity of his intentions.

Why wouldn’t you tell her that? If you really do care about her and you are glad that she’s there with you, hugging you warmly, tenderly and lovingly. So tell her and not in a corny way, because a woman can feel if your words are not genuine. Also, do not try to win her over by telling her how extraordinary and sensual she is if she is not being that way.

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This is a very important principle. It might feel a little awkward at first. Maybe you are in the living-room with the lights on or you are discussing what you did at work but when the right moment comes you have to seductively initiate the love play, if she hasn’t done so already. This sign should not be verbal. You can slowly take off your shoes or lie down gently on the sofa, turn off the lights or do anything that might suggest your desire for intimacy.

Continue to give more and more importance to your “audio” approach. Lower your voice to its warmest and most seductive tone, take her hand and kiss her gently. Thus you start to make love with her through your words.
What can you say in such moments? Well, be honest; tell her how nice it is to be with her now. Tell her how much you missed her at the office. How relaxed and happy it feels to be together again. Something like “You bring so much happiness into my life” generally has a special and overwhelming effect.

Relive the moments when you first met. Be playful and even childish as this will help you overcome any inhibitions and tensions accumulated during the day. Remember the most beautiful moments you shared, without forgetting the comic situations or delicate moments. Laughter makes you feel closer, more intimate and less tense.
As a matter of fact this is the key to success: creating intimacy. You have to be tactful, not to talk about certain flaws or failures. Avoid mistakes of the past. There is no need to wear the public-personality mask any more. But sometimes this is the hardest thing for a man to do.

Especially at this stage many men are looking to conquer the woman and for that they behave falsely talking with their lovers in a predictable way. They think it is necessary to be cold, calculated and imposing in order not to miss their opportunity. In this way they become false.

This moment is a true test of compatibility between you and your girl friend. The more natural and sincere you are to her, without sweeping away your chances for making love, the more suited you are for each other. But if you have to act in order to convince her to go in bed with you, then it is certain that you are not made for each other, at least not for now.

A lot of men are bad actors, trying to be like Mickey Rourke or Richard Gere in order to impress instead of just being themselves.

Here is a clear example of a false approach:
A man, thinking himself a great conqueror of women told us about one night when he was flirting with a beautiful woman at a bar. “Even if we stop here”, he whispered in her ear. “It will still be the most beautiful night in my life.” “Do you really think that?” she asked him with a little glance. “Of course I do. God is my witness, I would never lie to you” he whispered. “OK” she said, giving him his coat. “Then I will not feel guilty when I ask you to leave. Good night!” So our advice is not to be ridiculous but be yourself, open and full of love.

It is difficult to say exactly when, but at a certain time during prelude the discussion has to undergo a transformation. As the clothes are being thrown on the floor and bodies start to move together in a fascinating way, the romantic sentences will turn into romantic sighs. This is true even for the most cultivated men.

It is very important to communicate and show the other how much happiness and pleasure you bring to each other. Never think that if you are too intense and passionate in lovemaking it would bother or inhibit the other. On the contrary! Both men and women need to be told that they are loved. Most often the pleasure dramatically intensifies when one feels the other vibrating or moaning because of the pleasure you are giving them.

Almost everyone has red sonnets and love poems written by more or less famous writers. But have you asked yourself what do they talk about at the climax of making love? Almost surely it is simply expressed as “Ah!”, “Oh!” or “YES!” The reason for this is partly physical: when the pleasure is more intense the breathing rhythm is faster than usual and it is more difficult to express yourself through sentences.

But there’s also a mental reason. Generally, lovemaking focuses our attention on our intense feelings of pleasure. You can see that during this “dance” all other means of communication, such as speaking, are incapable of expressing our ineffable feelings.

There is also a psychological motivation. Moans, sighs and interjections are exciting for a man yet some women think that it is more vulgar and crude. They prefer sweet pet names and can even be shocked by such behavior wondering if they are making love to an animal.

In this case it is best to learn that sex is a lot more than an animal-like behavior. Such women can help us understand and open up to deeper, more profound feelings, not only physical, they can help us to feel more intense pleasure both mentally and emotionally.

Of course it is best to stay away from vulgar words, read in low-quality porn magazines as they can destroy the romance, intimacy and beauty of an erotic game. Tender words, filled with love bring us more warmth and closeness and our feelings will in turn become more profound and refined.
If the other is the type of person who enjoys vulgar exclamations we have to be tactful and explain, with words or gestures that this is not our style.

However be careful because it is an extremely delicate moment. Some men consider women who do not like vulgarity as prudish. Yet some women have the impression that he’s not a real man if he doesn’t use this kind of language. In both cases treat the other with understanding, patience and perseverance.

After the sighs and exclamations of pleasure have subsided and you are lying in bed, in his arms. What a feeling! What joy! But men are usually sleepy now! Wake up! Yawn, blink, move your fingers, do anything but fall asleep now. Yet if you make love in an ordinary way, which means by loosing the sexual energy through ejaculation, tiredness will naturally follow due to the loss of sexual energy. In the case of lovemaking with sexual continence this will not happen. Instead both of you will feel as vivid after lovemaking as you felt in the beginning.
It seems that women have another biorhythm and now your girlfriend wants you to hold her, to talk to her, admire her and overwhelm her with tender loving words. So, if it is true then tell her that. Tell her what you felt while you were making love and how you’re feeling now, describe to her the pleasure that you felt.

Continue to touch her, caress her and pamper her. Don’t turn your back on her as if you are finished, as if what is next has nothing to do with what has happened so far. In these moments the touch of a man is most precious and priceless. Now it is the moment of feeling closer to one another. If the man does not behave tenderly, lovingly and especially careful now with the woman he loves there can be an unexpected and irreparable emotional breaking. This could mean the decline or the end of a relationship, of a couple. And if the man is not clever enough to realize that, it is highly probable that he will never find out what upset her and why she is avoiding him and won’t make love to him again when everything was, in his opinion, going so well.

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This is the time for communication. No other moment is as poignant for the two lovers to open up to each other as the postlude stage. After intimacy and physical closeness it is time to share your thoughts, hopes and dreams. It is a special moment in which you can reveal yourselves as you truly are. What your fears, joys and hopes are; what are her deepest desires, her saddest moments, and her greatest joys. Tell him about your dreams. Tell jokes because laughter will eliminate any remaining tensions from the body. The fact that you communicate intimately is very important.

These moments can do wonders for the harmony and emotional equilibrium of a couple. People are very happy when we pay attention to them and we trust them by telling about our intimate thoughts. We will feel the same knowing that our beloved is ready to tell us about her most intimate feelings.