“Loving means returning to a place you have never left, in fact, it also means remembering who you really are”.
Sam Keen, writer
One of mans deepest needs that results from getting close to another person of the opposite sex, is the need for loving intimacy, which we refer to as an approach of empathy and mutual identifying; it is similar to refining a relationship so that it permits you to explore and share certain stages of inner experience, which can be more and more subtle and ecstatic.
In terms of experiencing amorous ecstasy, intimacy implies to be able to go deeper and deeper, into your own being, to be the favorite and most awaited guest of your soul, and then to receive your lover with a similar feeling of love and openness.
From this point of view, loving intimacy does not mean what we might call “falling in love”; it is even more than that, it is a complete approach to love; it implies an awareness in which you and your lover can advance together, by immersion into the others mysterious universe.
Nevertheless, being in a state of loving intimacy is not necessarily equivalent to being with someone, because loving intimacy implies reaching a state of inner freedom that allows you to maintain your own identity even when you are in a couple relationship.
Here are some times which illustrate the state of loving intimacy within your couple:
- When you both feel, at the same time natural, spontaneous, cheerful, childish, playful, when you roll in bed, you tickle and caress one another just like children do.
- When you feel absolutely secure in your lover’s presence and are able to share your low points with him or her (sadness, hidden pains, personal aspirations, amorous fantasies), being perfectly sure that the other will react warmly and open-heartedly, without adopting a critical attitude.
- When you dare simply lure your lover in bed and whisper jokes and funny love stories into his/her ears.
Most people have the wrong impression that sexuality is the fastest way to open the gate to a state of intimacy and feel frustrated when they feel that after a sexual intercourse, his or her lover continues to be cold; so intimacy will not necessarily appear in such moments.
This happens because it is not sexuality which opens the gate to loving intimacy, but on the contrary, it is intimacy that opens the way to a happy and transfigured relationship. Things are like this because, for those who love each other sexual intercourse is the climax, the crown of intimacy.
In your couple you may have already discovered the proper way to make intimacy appear. If you gave a massage to your lover when he or she was tired, if you knew how to be amusing and kind when your lover was sad or you told him/her the truth about your feelings, then you have probably experienced a degree of intimacy.
Now we invite you to deepen your intimacy by four very sensual methods.
First of all, in the case of a sensual intimacy, you can learn how to awaken new sensations in your lover, in a very delicate and tender way, using the art of sensorial stimulation as an expression of your love for him/her.
Second, when you want to seduce your lover, you can express your feelings and desires by moving your body and dancing in an exciting and erotic way.
The third method is to share wonderful states of pleasure and playfulness with your lover in a direct way, avoiding any conversation.
The fourth way refers to a euphoric intimacy between your souls, a focus for the purpose of identifying yourself (in a profound and empathic way) with the essence of your lover’s affective nature. While doing this, try to feel that your own soul is the mirror of your lover’s soul. This is an easy and efficient exercise of soul contemplation.
These four methods can be practiced separately, one by one, or can be used simultaneously; thus, they may derive from one another in a most natural way. From the stage of sensual stimulation you can easily pass to dance, for example; from an expansive state of laughter and playfulness, you can easily glide to silence and a mutual euphoric contemplation of souls.
What is really important is to try and spontaneously integrate these methods within your amorous life and never to consider them as a set of rigid techniques. Considering the fact that it may often be difficult to apply these suggestions, therefore it is necessary to impose three proper attitudes:
1. The lovers should remain as focused as possible on achieving the desired effect. For example, while dancing, you may have some moments when you doubt your own ability to express what you wanted to express; thus, you can pass heroically through these embarrassing moments and resist the temptation of giving up.
2. The second attitude is that of being an objective observer to yourself, being in the same time aware of your own feelings and aspirations no matter the moment or situation you are in. Only by acting like this can you turn any apparently embarrassing situation into a favorable one.
For example, when practicing euphoric contemplation of souls, you may feel at a certain point that nothing is happening and whilst you pretend that everything is fine you are experiencing feelings of embarrassment or frustration.
In this case it is better to stop pretending and be very attentive to what you really feel; you can find quick remedies, such as taking a deep breath, modifying the position of your body or talking sincerely to your lover. All such experience will gradually teach you how to have more and more profound subtle perceptions.
3. Finally, the third attitude, which should be adopted, is that of being open even to those aspects that may appear strange to you. For example, you might think that rolling in an embrace on the floor and laughing has absolutely nothing to do with learning the art of amorous ecstasy; consequently, you may tackle these aspects with restraint.
Nevertheless, you should keep in mind the fact that, many times, our rational mind cannot find logical explanations for the way these methods of awakening intimacy, operate; however, if you are totally open to practicing them, you will be able to maintain a state of deep relaxation and pass gradually over your limitations, focusing both on the moment and the purpose you have in view.